A POETIC JOURNEY THROUGH DARKER TIMES

I didn't think I could go on.  I'd lost hope, direction and my will to live.  My physician thought I might take my own life and I couldn't render assurance I wouldn't.  So, I was admitted ... to a hospital ... where the doors were locked ... where I couldn't leave .. and where I sat for 9 straight days in a rocking chair, with headphones feeding music through my ears and looking out a window at the fading days of autumn.

Then, on day 10, I picked up a pen and paper.  The inner pain and turmoil spilled out onto the page in the following words ...

Looking through my window

I watch the trees turn gold ...

autumn's here and passing

soon, to winter's cold.

Inside, my heart can feel it

as autumn slips away ...

the warmth from it is fading

a little more each day.

More that just a season

is passing by this time ...

it's life as I have known it

that's now no longer mine.

And yes, just like the trees

my colors too have turned ...

to shades all dark and gray

I've lost what I have learned.

That spark is gone that kept

me warm midst  winter winds ...

I sense the frost set in

to seize my soul of sins.

And as the trees now grasp

to keep their colored leaves ...

in the ordered way of things

they're lost, but no one grieves.

For life is not designed

to hesitate nor slow ...

the clock of time, nor wait

for those too hurt to grow.

Survival brings its pain

the trees could tell us how ...

all stripped and bare and cold

by spring they take their bow.

For life ascribes its line

to each of nature's schemes ...

but you and I, my friend

are on our own it seems.

Yes, some will lean and bend

and weather winter snows ...

but some, like me will lose

their way, that's how it goes.

And God, if there is one

will see those hearts that tried ...

to mend their brokenness

within a soul that died.

But God helps those who help

themselves, so it's been said ...

and if, like leaves, we drop

upon the ground instead

the snows will come to cover

and freeze us where we lie ...

but nature won't protect us

like the trees, that never die.

Our roots are not so strong

nor deep, like trees possess ...

and blizzards when they come,

will take us down, I guess.

So as I watch the fall

bring quickly changing hues ...

despair brings me much closer

to paying my own dues.

For giving up the hope

that spring will come for me ...

my seasons end this time

I'm right where I should be.

Behind gray walls of brick

that keep me safe, but I'm ...

a prisoner of myself

I've lost the will this time

to fight those falling leaves

'cause I can't stop them, no ...

I've given up on me

and await the coming snow.

The journey will continue in my next post ...